I’m willing to listen and listen a lot but I’m not willing to be yelled at and verbally abused just because of my skin color. That’s no help to anyone. I know very well what extras my skin color brings me and I teach this to my own children and bring it to my classroom as well (I’m a hs teacher).

I’m willing to feel uncomfortable sitting down and listening to African Americans pain and not say a word. I’m willing to open the discussion with my rich white hs classmates about the bubble we grew up in, the frequent black/jew jokes tossed around, ask why we felt those jokes were so funny and risk the loss of friendship (actually thats already happened). I’m not willing to say I’m bad because I’m white, or that I need to to say sorry for what I have rather just acknowledge that my comfortable middle class life has come in part at others’ expense.

I’m happy when my black colleagues at work open up the topic of race and speak freely….I rarely try and give my opinion unless I see that they really want to hear it. When I don’t totally agree with their opinion, I rarely say anything….I prefer their friendship over the need to feel that I’m “right” to be heard. This has been key in gaining trust and working towards humility.

I still have my biases and prejudices and am very aware of them…hopefully I’ll have the balls one day to own them in front of my friends of color.